i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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