Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We just shotgunned beers for America
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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