I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
