Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
