Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
