You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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