If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
