You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
