We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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