Betty ford says i'm here all night
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
