Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My balls are so social today.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
