kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
