Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
