bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
