did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
