i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
