yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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