Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
