I wish I could teleport
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
