he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
