My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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