Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She's JV to your varsity
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
