guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
