first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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