Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
