Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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