you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
