Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it glows. i had to have it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
