I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
where are my eyebrows?
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