someone get that fucking seahorse.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
