My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
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