I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
