Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
