I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
