I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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