you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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