somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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