i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
