Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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