I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
