covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I puked a lego.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
