Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
