Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
