I can tuck mytits in my pants
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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