also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
