The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
