tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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