Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
