filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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