This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
